Four Pee Sticks and a Beta

Not to be confused with Three Weddings and a Funeral.

I am the proud owner of four pee sticks that were taken on four consecutive days, and were each nicely darker than the last. I stare at them fondly every time I go into the bathroom. And yesterday, when I was feeling sorry for myself because:

1. MASSIVE and ugly mother of a bruise from the Lovenox injections (seriously, the size of a baseball). I must have gone through a vein.

2. nausea (although I somewhat welcome it, kind of a love/hate thing there)

3. unidentifiable rash (heat rash, probably)

4. both buttocks HURT because of PIO shots

5. I had a 12 hour day ahead of me with parent/teacher conferences

I felt instantly better just looking at those lovely lines.

Yes, I know I've been here before. This is the honeymoon part where things seem hunkey dorey. I know the hard part is ahead of me. The heartbeat... But I've decided to go ahead and savor this process. Am pregnant until proven otherwise.

And then today...

My beta at 15dpo or 10dp5dt is 454!

My last beta was 97, the one before that was 127, and the one before that was 25. So, heck yea, 454 sounds pretty good to me.

My next beta is Monday afternoon, but I won't get the results until Tuesday, probably.

Thanks everyone for your positive comments! They definitely brought a smile to my face.

The Peeing has Commenced!

I'm so classy. I know.

Yesterday the pee sticks were taunting me, early in the morning. So I gave in. I got a nice faint positive. It was 6dp5dt, or to uncomplicate things... 11dpo. So gratifying.

I held out on posting because I wanted to be sure it wasn't an evaporation line or something crazy like that.

At 1AM this morning I got up to use the bathroom and again, the pee sticks taunted me--literally begging me to use them. So, 20 hours after the first stick, I peed on another. I think the line is almost twice as dark. So lovely.

Sorry the picture isn't great. But you get the idea!

Half of me is beyond thrilled! Yay! I'm pregnant! It's another chance! And I'm trying to stay mostly in that moment and enjoy it while it's here. I'd regret if it worked out and I spent the first few weeks in a state of worry. Worry is no good.

The other half of me is trying to be level headed. Having three miscarriages in one year will do that to a girl. Am I just headed down that road to heartache again? Will I ever get to hear the heartbeat of my own child? Will I ever get to actually have my belly swell? Meet the child I've conceived? Please, let this be the one.

Waiting...

This is the part where I start driving myself crazy. You know, the part where it's too soon to do a home pregnancy test, yet I still have days to wait and ponder?

It's not pretty when I'm being neurotic. In fact, it's downright ugly.

Plus, I have a head cold so I've done NOTHING this weekend but sleep and hang out on the couch. My idle mind, is a baaaad thing. By the way, I think I have a cold because I took the damn Medrol for the supposed assisted hatching that never took place, and I think Medrol is supposed to compromise your immune system. Plus, it might have something to do with the ten thousand germy kids that I came in contact with this week.

BTW, normally I'd reach for some Tylenol Sinus right about now, but instead I reached for my netti pot. Not quite as effective, but better than nothing.

My neurotic thoughts as of late...

• Every single time I've done IVF I've gotten pregnant. What if it's negative?
• I had the whole low blood sugar hunger this morning. Maybe I'm pregnant. Or, maybe I just ate dinner too early.
• With IVF's #1&2 I had implantation bleeding by now. With the FET I did not. I don't have that now. Maybe I'm not pregnant.

For once I am pleased with Anthem Healthkeepers. Here's why:

I went to the pharmacy yesterday to pick up some more Lovenox. When I bought it last week I only had 12 prefilled syringes. Retail was something like $450, and my copay was $50. The nurse fixed my script and now I have a three month's supply, so I think it was 90 prefilled syringes. Retail was something like $1,875, and still my copay was $50. Awesome.

I also bought a 3 pack of FRER HPT's, tums, more prenatal vitamins, and a bag of those Haribo gummy rasperries. I regret not buying chocolate of some sort.

HPT Tuesday or Wednesday. Not sure yet. Stay tuned.

If Only my Ute had a Window

I would love to know what's going on in there right now! Are the little ones still dividing? Are they snuggling in?

I want to ask them, "Hey, are you guys chromosomally NORMAL or what?" Because, I need you to be! Please, pretty please, with sugar on top, stick around for the long haul. Thanks.

I had some strange cramping, kind of pinching. I wonder if it was implantation or just wishful thinking? I want to think it was in the ute area, but I wouldn't bet the farm on it. Perhaps I am just freakishly gaseous today AND have no spacial awareness?


Bedrest was boring. Let me 'splain. No, let me summarize...

I ate
read my trashy novel
ate
watched movies on itunes
ate
let dogs out
ate
gave and received injections (NOT a fan of Lovenox so far)
ate
checked facebook
ate
checked twitter
ate
read blogs
ate
read my trashy novel
ate
made lesson plans for the next two weeks
ate
graded papers
ate
made flip books for my class

I don't know why I'm so hungry. Maybe the Medrol or some other drug, or the boredom made me do it. Or, I'm just an oinker.



The embryologist called yesterday. Here are the stats:



16 eggs retrieved

11 mature - ICSI'd

9 fertilized

2 transferred

3 cryopreserved (we had another one jump on board yesterday).

Not a bad batch for me. Well, assuming some of them are NORMAL.

Because, when it comes to embryos, apparently normal is NOT overrated. Out of five, let's hope that at least one of them will create a baby that makes it to full term. Is that too much to ask?

It was good to get back to work today and get my mind off of things.

Transfer: Best 1 out of 4

We transferred two high grade blasts today. We had originally signed up to transfer three, but I guess since they made it to blast and were looking so good, the R.E. preferred to transfer two. We already have two that are being cryopreserved and a few more that the embryologist said were early blast stage, and they were keeping an eye on them to see if they were good enough quality to freeze. So, I feel like that was a pretty productive batch, for me!

They did NOT do Assisted Hatching. They said they only do those on 3 day transfers, something about not having as much space because there are more cells. I was a bit disappointed. I thought it was definitely possible to do them on blasts. Any input would be welcomed.

This was definitely the easiest transfer out of the four transfers we've done! Not that it was enjoyable...

I heart valium. I was nauseous before it (nerves), but then by the time I was on the table I was almost falling asleep and just really didn't care about much.

I drank at least 24 ounces of water about an hour before the transfer. Still, it wasn't quite enough. So I had to drink a few more cups of water while on the table. Then the RE inserted the GIGNORMOUS car jack crank of a speculum into my vajayjay (My husband joked that it's probably like a cave in there, and imagined the R.E. with a minor's cap on! Yea, we have a sick sense of humor... anyway). The added pressure of the speculum and the ultrasound moving around were just hard on the ole' bladder.

The transfer itself was really, REALLY quick and smooth. I have a tilted uterus so I think that's why normally they have a hard time getting the catheter in and it takes many many tries. This time, boom, it was over with!

After that I requested the OTHER catheter, the drain. I have decided that it's probably pretty routine for them to do that, and it made my 20 minute wait MUCH more bearable. I lost my shame way back when.

Oh the LOVENOX saga continues! I called the pharmacy on Saturday and had them doublecheck the actual script. Yes, it was supposed to be once weekly. Groovy. Then I called the Hematologist on Satuday and left a message. Is it really once weekly, or is that a mistake? Nurse calls yesterday, says my CHART says once weekly, but she will check with the doctor today. She calls back today, NO, it's supposed to be once DAILY. Oops! So I took some before the transfer this morning. Damn..... so disappointed about that. I knew it was too good to be true. Thanks gwinne, for encouraging me to check on it. I'm not sure I would have otherwise.

Enjoying bedrest so far! I have a smidge of hope at this point. I have no doubt that by this time next week, I'll have fun the gammet of emotions and will be going a bit batty though.

Heading for a 5 Day Transfer!

Woohoo! That's a good thing, right? I've never had a 5 day transfer (well, except for the FET). Feeling a tad more optimistic. Maybe this is the batch that will keep on, keeping on?

Tuesday seems like a good day for a transfer. :)

I just read this VERY interesting dialogue between a patient and an embryologist about 3 day transfers verses 5 day transfers. Am totally excited about doing the 5 day transfer now.

Because I'm Fascinating

And because, I KNOW you care and want to know what I'm thinking, always. :)

I went to get my Lovenox today and it was in prefilled syringes. There were only 12 (it said "12 day supply") and WITH my insurance it was $50. I started freaking out, until I saw that it was to given once WEEKLY! I'm gonna call Dr. Longname and make sure it isn't a mistake, because that's awesome! I seem to recall her being concerned that it was such a commitment and all, but gee, one shot a week verses daily shots=no big deal! I went ahead and took the first shot tonight, just in case tomorrow is the day.

Three days of lesson plans=4 hours at work on a Saturday. Yes, I am slow and somewhat inefficient, even after teaching for years. But still!

I made THE BEST Mac and cheese ever! I'll double the bacon next time, but it was still divine.

PIO shots with the bullseye are going pretty good. Note to self: Get sharpie out tomorrow and have Mr. PJ redraw the X's as they have started to fade.

I've discovered that if I slam the Medrol in my mouth with one hand and have water in my other hand, I can wash it down without tasting it. There's an art in the coordination of that.

I am not really looking forward to the transfer. I feel like that's where I keep going wrong. I somewhat feel that it is a waste to put those lovely embryos in my uterus of doom. Like, the reproductive center worked so hard to make them and I just go and screw them up. I think the word to describe my feeling is, "incompetent". I'm also dreading the ups and downs of the two week wait, and then what might come after. This is the hard part.

I am totally not a fan of the transfer procedure anyway. I have a tilted ute that I think makes dealing with the catheter difficult. It always takes forever. And I have absolutely no tolerance for a full bladder. I know some of that is in my head (OMG I can't pee! So I've really gotta!), but I don't know how to ignore it. I seem to be able to ignore it during a juicy movie or when I'm doing other various FUN things. But transfers are not fun and there's nothing to distract me. I detest that GINORMOUS speculum. It reminds me of a car jack. Crank, crank, crank... I DO like the valium though! However, I think they should give me a stronger dose. :)

I had one sweet glass of wine this evening, kind of a "farewell-I-hope-to-miss-you-for-9-months-plus-you-go-so-well-with-my-mac-and-cheese wine. You know the kind.

I'd better clean a little. If I don't, it might not get done for days and I will be stuck on bedrest looking at it!

1st Fert Report

Out of 16 eggs retrieved, 11 were ICSIed (I assume that means 5 were not mature), and of those, 9 fertilized. I wish it were more, but that's not too shabby for a (cough), almost 37 year old. Last time we had 8 fertilize and I had one to freeze. Now the question is whether it will be a 3 day transfer (Sunday) or a 5 day transfer (Tuesday). I'm guessing Sunday, but who knows.

Tomorrow I will go to work and make sub plans for Monday, Tuesday, AND Wednesday, just so I am prepared. It is really a pain to tell someone how to do your job all day! My plans are usually at least three pages, typed.

Meanwhile at the ranch, I am hating the doxycycline or the Medrol. I'm not sure which I hate more, probably the Medrol (which, even for the millisecond it is on my tongue, tastes like what I can only imagine cow dung might taste like). And it makes me nauseous.

I am still sore a bit when I am up and about. I was really tired after work today, but twenty noisy kids will do that to a person.

I got the OK from the nurse to do the PIO shots in the evening! She was like, "if you really want to, it should be fine". It sounded like the reason they prefer for you to do them in the morning is because you are up and active and it has more time to work through your system before you're in bed. It's just such a pain to do them in the morning though. It's one extra thing to do before rushing out of the door, and the husband, bless his heart, doesn't see the urgency to get me out the door. Plus, if I want to sleep in on the weekend, and I don't mean just an extra hour, I should be able to! Especially if I'm all busy making a human being! So, I start this evening.

I Feel Like a Chicken

I "laid" 16 eggs this morning!

That's right!

IVF#1 - didn't make it to retrieval. Poor response.
IVF#1 Take 2 - didn't make it to retrieval again. Poorer response.
IVF #1 Take 3 - 7 eggs
IVF#2 - 12 eggs
IVF#3 - 16 eggs!

I know that doesn't mean all of them are mature, or will fertilize, OR that we'll have a take-home baby. But hopefully it will give us more options.

Even though I felt like a veteran at this whole thing, I was a little nervous this morning at first. I often get nauseous when I'm nervous.

It was still dark when we got there at 6:45 AM!

The anesthesiologist was hilarious! When I told him that I had something to drink last night (meaning I was trying to hydrate), he asked if I had some whiskey! And then after the retrieval he said that I told him where I'd buried the gold in my backyard while I was out. Love it! He gave me half the dose of anesthesia that I had last time. And sadly, the same TYPE because I told him that I preferred that over whatever I had during the first IVF. My husband says that it's sad that I've been under so much that I can tell them about my drug preferences! Anyway, the anesthesiologist also waited longer to give me the drugs. My first IVF, I was out before I even was wheeled into surgery. Last time, they hit me as soon as I got into the room. This time, I got to experience everyone prepping for it, and the clamp, which always kind of reminds me of a jack to lift a car! And the saline wash...
And then I woke up right away, but I really wanted to curl up and go back to sleep. I was bored waiting for them to finish monitoring me. At my request, the nurse drew bulls eyes on my buttocks for the Progesterone injections. Mr. PJ was actually kind of appreciative about it, which was good. I think because we are doing assisted hatching, I have to take doxycycline and Medrol now.

I'm going to call the nurse about my Lovenox. I'm reading that other people who do this start sometimes on the day of retrieval. The hematologist said to start on transfer day. I want to be sure. I mean, does that stuff work instantaneously, or does it take a while to do it's thing? Let me know if you are taking it, when you are to start (or have started). Thanks!

I'm also going t0 ask if I can do the PIO in the evenings. I hate rushing to take it in the mornings and not being able to sleep in on the weekends because of it.

Am totally going to nap today, catch up on my Tivo, and do some schoolwork. My doggies are glad to have someone home.

I am LOVING the rain, the changing leaves, and the cool weather. It's a good day. :)

Stim Day 10 & Trigger

The R.E. actually said that I stimmed well!

I told him that I was worried for a while there, that it seemed to take forever. However, I think it just took one extra day from the last round, but my follicles were slower to respond. They seemed to be more even in size today, the measurements were closer together. And it was interesting how that 21mm I had yesterday seemed to go poof, somehow! I have to agree with Lorraine's comment yesterday that the measurements are probably more an approximation than anything else. It'll be interesting to see how many they get, and how many are mature.

I am grateful to be making it this far. I really did think they might cancel me.

Today I took the rest of my GonalF. That was the instructions, just to finish off the vial-which was 300iu.

Tonight I will trigger with Ovidrel and 40 units of leuprolide at 8:15. I was wondering what that leuprolide was for that came in my big box-o-fun. Not that I really understand what it's for. Anyone ever used that before in conjunction with an hcg trigger? If you have, fill me in, k? I think it's just the long term for Lupron, but I've never heard of it being used for anything else than the supression phase.

I will really REALLY enjoy not getting any shots tomorrow. I know I might have a long road ahead with progesterone and Lovenox. I should probably get that Lovenox script filled soon, since I start taking it at transfer.

I am so freakin' tired. Have I mentioned that stimming makes me tired? I am looking forward to being lazy on Thursday after retrieval.

My center goofed up. Apparently when we did our round of Cipro, we were also supposed to get infections disease testing, again. They figured that out today. I adore my IVF nurses and doctors, so I'm not that put off by it. We've been through a lot. But it did mean that I had to rush out of work today and go to the center to pick up the paperwork. They put some of the syrum from this morning's labs on a baggie so that I didn't have to get stuck again, which was nice. I took that to the ghetto lab. Apparently the ghetto lab just collects the specimens and then sends their work to the next STATE for the actual testing. So, hopefully they will get it in time. Mr. PJ doesn't have crappy insurance, so his can be done locally. He is just thrilled about having it done again.

I am to arrive for egg retrieval at 6:45 on Thursday. I'm first in line. Dr. Wonderful is doing it this time. Dr. Ho Hum is pretty wonderful himself, as it turns out, but I like that the other doctor is doing it. Something new couldn't hurt! Plus, I just really like Dr. Wonderful. A lot.

Thanks again for all of your encouraging words! I love reading your comments! Nothing says love like having your blogsisters cheer for your ovaries, and writing letters to your follicles! :)

Stim Day 9: 4th Monitoring Appointment

One more appointment tomorrow! Trigger likely tomorrow night. Retrieval likely on Thursday.

I had a bunch of follicles today. I stopped counting after a while. There were three at 17mm that they were really looking at, one at 21, and a bunch of potentials (like 10 maybe?) that were in the teens.

Yesterday my GonalF dose was 375, and today it's 450. I don't really understand that.

I'm really, really tired. I had a boring meeting today and it was all I could do to stay awake. The meds always have a cumulative effect on me. I can periodically feel tugs and pulls at the ole' ovaries.

I'm feeling a little more optimistic today about the whole thing.

Thanks for all of your encouraging words.

Stim Day 8: 3rd Monitoring Appointment

Let's see. Righty had a 19.5mm. I think the biggest one two days ago was 12.5mm. How does that happen? And then there was an 18mm, a 16mm... some less than 12mm.

Lefty had a 15mm and some less than 12mm.

I was fully expecting to be concelled/converted to IUI today. So, I guess that's ok. It's still not great. That 19.5 looks kind of like a lead to me, but I guess I've got 4 to work with at least that are 15-19.5mm, and 4 is the minimum to make it to retrieval at my center. I know some of those little guys can possibly catch up. I'm thinking we might get a little batch, if we're lucky. I guess a little batch is better than no batch.

This is after 7 days of stims. I think I stimmed nine days last time. So, two more doses should do something, right? Hopefully that big one wont be overly mature though.

R.E. said I'm definitely stimming tonight and I've got an appointment tomorrow morning.

One day at a time, I guess.

Stim Day 6: 2nd Monitoring Appointment

Unimpressed. That's how I feel. Kind of disappointed too. Still six follicles on the left under 10mm, 2 follicles on the right around 12mm, and some under 10mm.

They were so unimpressed that I don't even have to go in tomorrow. Not good.

I asked if that was bad, and the nurse was all... well you are kind of slow getting started, but I'm sure they will catch up soon.

Mkay.

Still 450iu GonalF, 30iu low dose hcg.

Start Ganerelix tomorrow.

I have an appointment on Sunday.

Ugh.

Over the Top Award

Most of the time I am a bum and don't do the fun award thingamajigs that I get. Not that I am ungrateful, just lazy. But I'm cycling, you see, and thus I'm feeling very bloggy these days (funny how that works!).

Rules

1. You Can Only Use One Word!

2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers

3. Alert them that you have given them this award!

4. Have Fun!

The Fun Part

1. Where is your cell phone? purse

2. Your hair? blonde

3. Your mother? busy

4. Your father? retired

5. Your favorite food? nachos

6. Your dream last night? nonexistent

7. Your favorite drink? Thaiicedcoffee

8. Your dream/goal? baby

9. What room are you in? living

10. Your hobby? reading

11. Your fear? lonely

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? mom

13. Where were you last night? movies

14. Something that you aren’t? pretentious

15. Muffins? meh

16. Wish list item? baby

17. Where did you grow up? Florida

18. Last thing you did? ate

19. What are you wearing? chinos

20. Your TV? annoying

21. Your pets? dogs

22. Friends? good

23. Your life? contented

24. Your mood? sarcastic

25. Missing someone? Parents

26. Vehicle? reliable

27. Something you’re not wearing? shoes

28. Your favorite store? Eddie

29. Your favorite color? blue

30. When was the last time you laughed? today

31. Last time you cried? July

32. Your best friend? Mr.PJ

33. One place that I go to over and over? fridge

34. One person who emails me regularly? coworker

35. Favorite place to eat? Italian

Recipients:

Sprogblogger

The Elderly Ovary

Bottoms On and Off the Table

Life and Love in the Petri Dish

Unconventional Journey

Mkay, that's only 5. But you get the idea. :)

Stim Day 4/1st Monitoring Appointment

So far so good.

I think he said I had 6 follicles on both ovaries, under 10mm. Same meds regimen. No monitoring appointment tomorrow. Will have one on Friday.

Thanks for all of the encouraging words! Right now I feel like I'm just sailing along--hoping to stim well. Even though I stimmed well the last two times, I did have two rounds where I didn't respond well at all and was converted to IUI--so that is still a worry. One step at a time.

Here we go again...

On Thursday I went to get my big box of fun, which I had delivered to my doctor's office. Meh. No biggie. It sat in the big ole' box in my kitchen until today. But when I unloaded it onto the counter, and the wine bottle just "happened" to be in the background, I couldn't resist snapping a pic. I was obligated. I may partake in some wine this weekend, kind of (hopefully) a "goodbye my sweet nectar of happiness" drink.

On Friday I went to Doctor unbelieveablylongname (hematologist). Last Tuesday, if you recall, was just a training with the nurse on how to give the shot, and blood work. The bloodwork came back fine, and the doctor just asked me 10 different ways if I was sure I wanted to do this. No, I don't really want to do this. Yes, I am willing to do this if you and my doctor think it will help. Yes, I realize it will be a pain (pun intended) to give myself Lovenox shots for nine months. We also discussed insurance, and she said she'd never had anyone denied treatment for this reason, but there was always the possibility. So, I got the script and am waiting for them to call me and let me know. I do have crappy insurance, so we'll see. Apparently this stuff is really expensive. She did give me prefilled syringes, which I think is kind of groovy.

I also emailed my boss to let him know were were doing this. Even with an email, this is always awkward for me. He was cool about it.

Last night I started my period. I really have no freakin' personality when I am PMS'ing. I'm not grouchy, I'm not emotional, I don't really have my usual sense of humor, I'm just blah. Anyone else feel that way? Definitely a trend with me.

I went to a very busy R.E.'s office this morning for my baseline ultrasound. Everything was fine. I'm good to go.

I stop taking Estrace tomorrow. I start stims tomorrow. So, Sunday night will be my first day of stims. 450iu of GonalF and 30iu Low Dose HCG.

Wednesday, I have an early morning monitoring appointment (Ultrasound/Estrodial).

I can't tell you how many times I've gone back to my blog to check on things. For instance, last November/December when I was doing this, I stimmed for 9 days. If this goes anything like that, I'll be doing retrieval sometime between the 12th and the 15th... or something like that. All speculation, I know. But still...

Here we go again...