I don't want to be overly anything. I don't want to be overly optimistic, nor do I want to be overly pessimistic. I want to let myself feel, without letting myself feel too much. I want to find a rhythm, without getting lost in it. I want to experience emotion, without emotion taking over. If you know how to find that balance, please let me know the secret.
Remember the quote from my new favorite song: "Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's." Balance - that's where it's all at I tell ya. Send me some zen, please.
Have you ever done the Myers Briggs Type Personality Test? Or something like it? I'm a big picture kind of girl. I'm an ESTP. I think that big picture thing is my saving grace sometimes and my Achilles' heel at other times. I can plow right past important details. I've wondered over the past few weeks if I should seek counseling, just to make sure that I am ok. I mean, I feel ok, but how should I know what o.k. is for someone like me? I'm a mental health virgin. Could I go into the session and just say, "hey, lemme know if I'm dealing with this in a healthy way? Am I really strong, or am I just plowing through? OR, if I am, is that healthy? Are the answers yes, yes, and yes? Ya know?
So when it comes right down to it, I feel like we've got three more tries at this babymaking thing. I see it happening before next June. Was the last cycle one more setback, or was it one more step closer to June? Or hopefully, December? I'd like to think it was more of a step in the right direction. As sad as that may seem.
And it IS sad. It's been one long damn year. Someone commented that I had a crappy month. And I replied, I'd had a crappy year. Since last December, three IUI's, 2 cancelled IVF's turned into IUI's, one YES, you are PREGNANT abruptly followed by the NO, NO, NO failed IVF! Just, ughhhhhh! Cry me a river!
Ommmm..... (meditating)
Friday, October 31, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
I am a Wild and Crazy Girl!
Oh yes! I am a wildcard. I'm a loose cannon. I'm off my rocker. You just never know what I might do.
Yesterday I indulged in a caffeine filled caramel machiato and later in a black tea. I may have a soda today. I'm even thinking a beer is in my future. I have indulged in spicy foods for which I have taken the once forbidden Prevacid for. I might eat lunch meat this week. I have lifted heavy things like laundry baskets, and more importantly a huge shopping back full of new clothes. I have used chemicals to clean with (not all that much, mind you). I have done all of those non-pregnant, non-cycling things this week and have enjoyed it.
You see me trying to be positive, don't ya? I mean, I'd MUCH rather still be pregnant, but hopefully this is my only last window of forbiddeness, so I will take it.
Here we go again.
Let's call Friday cycle day one. I called the nurse, who just said to start using the ovulation predictor kit around cycle day 10. Last time we were on box three when I got a smiley face. In fact, the nice thing about my blog is that things are documented, so I figure I will get a smiley face around day 24 because that's how it went down last time. And then 15 days after that will be cycle day one. I know this is way different than a normal cycle. I am normally, pretty normal. But with the IVF drugs, I am very NOT normal. I kind of miss being normal. Anyway... then we will start stims on day three. So, if last time is any indicator of how this cycle will go, it's looking like I'll start stims again around the end of November. Which leaves a nice open window in between Turkey Day and Christmas.
I realize you probably don't care all that much about the particulars, but it makes me feel good to hash it out in print. So, um... thanks!
Yesterday I indulged in a caffeine filled caramel machiato and later in a black tea. I may have a soda today. I'm even thinking a beer is in my future. I have indulged in spicy foods for which I have taken the once forbidden Prevacid for. I might eat lunch meat this week. I have lifted heavy things like laundry baskets, and more importantly a huge shopping back full of new clothes. I have used chemicals to clean with (not all that much, mind you). I have done all of those non-pregnant, non-cycling things this week and have enjoyed it.
You see me trying to be positive, don't ya? I mean, I'd MUCH rather still be pregnant, but hopefully this is my only last window of forbiddeness, so I will take it.
Here we go again.
Let's call Friday cycle day one. I called the nurse, who just said to start using the ovulation predictor kit around cycle day 10. Last time we were on box three when I got a smiley face. In fact, the nice thing about my blog is that things are documented, so I figure I will get a smiley face around day 24 because that's how it went down last time. And then 15 days after that will be cycle day one. I know this is way different than a normal cycle. I am normally, pretty normal. But with the IVF drugs, I am very NOT normal. I kind of miss being normal. Anyway... then we will start stims on day three. So, if last time is any indicator of how this cycle will go, it's looking like I'll start stims again around the end of November. Which leaves a nice open window in between Turkey Day and Christmas.
I realize you probably don't care all that much about the particulars, but it makes me feel good to hash it out in print. So, um... thanks!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
A Do-Over
We actually get three do-overs. But let's hope that one is all we need.
We met with Dr. Ho Hum today for maybe ten minutes. I kind of feel like it is better for us to meet with him, than Dr. Wonderful. Kind of. He is far more pessimistic than Dr. Wonderful and at this point, I am not having the sugar-coating. Give it to me strait!
Like on Saturday, I think instead of "you're pregnant, but it was a low beta", I'd have been better off with a "I just want you to know that beta's like a 25 are not a good sign. It could be chemical or ectopic, or something. Don't get too excited. Don't go out and buy "What to Expect When You're Expecting. Don't sign up online for baby development emails."
However, Dr. Ho Hum is like 800 years old, wise beyond his years, probably a bit jaded, and probably a serious introvert. He is sometimes vague and gives "just enough" information. I found myself asking my husband, "so I heard________, what did you hear?"
So the whole IVF team meets every week and discusses cases. Dr. Ho Hum said they were not discouraged by this cycle. He said that while he would have liked more eggs to work with, we had some good quality eggs. My main concern was that we have some chromosomal issues, you know, like we need any MORE issues to add to the pot! But he said he didn't think so. I had been thinking that the rating was a 1-10, but it was a 1-8. We had one that was a seven, a five, and a one. He said that he has NEVER seen an eight, which I find hard to believe, but ok. He said they would tweak the protocol somewhat next time, but didn't elaborate. I am supposed to call when I get my period -- which he said the progesterone was probably still holding back. I do not feel the slightest bit PMS'y, and we have not done PIO injections since Monday morning (yet my ass is still sore!). Frankly, I just want to have it and get it over with. I want to move on. I do feel better, physically--AMAZINGLY so! I was SO TIRED, and SO NAUSEOUS just for those few days I was pregnant.
Emotionally, I'm doing better. Monday and Tuesday were pretty hard. The nurse described it as a big tease, and she was right. The up and down of the last few weeks was agonizing. I'm craving a little normalcy. A little mundane. Some peace, maybe.
I can say I will be pretty lock-jawed next time. The untelling about the pregnancy was difficult. My assistant just about cried, and I didn't even cry myself.
Well... I didn't directly cry.
I wanted to be busy Tuesday evening, so we went for dinner and a movie. We saw The Secret Life of Bees (sooooo good!). Then I cried. Some for the movie, some for the loss.
What I've learned about myself through this process though is that my way of dealing is to keep my mind occupied and busy. I went to a great conference yesterday and couldn't wait to get back to work and use what I learned! We went out last night. We went out tonight.
My husband sent a dozen roses to work for me today. The note read "Love, me and the boys" which means our dogs. Everyone assumed it was our anniversary! Yay, flowers!!! Yay, cute husband!
And there we are...
Thank you for all of your comments. I cannot stress how much I appreciate your support and encouragement.
We met with Dr. Ho Hum today for maybe ten minutes. I kind of feel like it is better for us to meet with him, than Dr. Wonderful. Kind of. He is far more pessimistic than Dr. Wonderful and at this point, I am not having the sugar-coating. Give it to me strait!
Like on Saturday, I think instead of "you're pregnant, but it was a low beta", I'd have been better off with a "I just want you to know that beta's like a 25 are not a good sign. It could be chemical or ectopic, or something. Don't get too excited. Don't go out and buy "What to Expect When You're Expecting. Don't sign up online for baby development emails."
However, Dr. Ho Hum is like 800 years old, wise beyond his years, probably a bit jaded, and probably a serious introvert. He is sometimes vague and gives "just enough" information. I found myself asking my husband, "so I heard________, what did you hear?"
So the whole IVF team meets every week and discusses cases. Dr. Ho Hum said they were not discouraged by this cycle. He said that while he would have liked more eggs to work with, we had some good quality eggs. My main concern was that we have some chromosomal issues, you know, like we need any MORE issues to add to the pot! But he said he didn't think so. I had been thinking that the rating was a 1-10, but it was a 1-8. We had one that was a seven, a five, and a one. He said that he has NEVER seen an eight, which I find hard to believe, but ok. He said they would tweak the protocol somewhat next time, but didn't elaborate. I am supposed to call when I get my period -- which he said the progesterone was probably still holding back. I do not feel the slightest bit PMS'y, and we have not done PIO injections since Monday morning (yet my ass is still sore!). Frankly, I just want to have it and get it over with. I want to move on. I do feel better, physically--AMAZINGLY so! I was SO TIRED, and SO NAUSEOUS just for those few days I was pregnant.
Emotionally, I'm doing better. Monday and Tuesday were pretty hard. The nurse described it as a big tease, and she was right. The up and down of the last few weeks was agonizing. I'm craving a little normalcy. A little mundane. Some peace, maybe.
I can say I will be pretty lock-jawed next time. The untelling about the pregnancy was difficult. My assistant just about cried, and I didn't even cry myself.
Well... I didn't directly cry.
I wanted to be busy Tuesday evening, so we went for dinner and a movie. We saw The Secret Life of Bees (sooooo good!). Then I cried. Some for the movie, some for the loss.
What I've learned about myself through this process though is that my way of dealing is to keep my mind occupied and busy. I went to a great conference yesterday and couldn't wait to get back to work and use what I learned! We went out last night. We went out tonight.
My husband sent a dozen roses to work for me today. The note read "Love, me and the boys" which means our dogs. Everyone assumed it was our anniversary! Yay, flowers!!! Yay, cute husband!
And there we are...
Thank you for all of your comments. I cannot stress how much I appreciate your support and encouragement.
Monday, October 20, 2008
My Horrible, Awful, No Good, Very Bad Day!!!
I went for my beta this morning, and after I got in my car to leave, I hurled all over my new Vera Bradley purse, my phone, my wallet, my badge... and then I made it out of the car and hurled a lot more. I should have taken that as a sign of things to come.
I got to work, and my assisatant who had covered for me had told my coworkers that I was pregnant. Notice the WAS.
The nurse was supposed to call at 3:00. I ended up calling her, leaving a messege, and she called back while I was driving this twisty, winding country road.
My beta was a 5 today. I guess that means I had a chemical pregnancy? Well, she said that it "failed", and that very often that means that the embryo had chromosomal issues. We will go and meet with Dr. Ho Hum on Thursday for one of those "What Went Wrong" talks.
The nurse asked how soon I might want to try again and mentioned the holidays were coming up. Sigh...
I'm mad. I want to erase the last two weeks. ERASE them!!! I was so stupid, and called my family, and now I have to call and UNDO the news. I want to take the "what to expect when you're expecting" book back.
And WTF? So am I supposed to get a period now? When I stop my progesterone maybe? I did feel less nausea today, of course AFTER I hurled.
It was just awful.
I got to work, and my assisatant who had covered for me had told my coworkers that I was pregnant. Notice the WAS.
The nurse was supposed to call at 3:00. I ended up calling her, leaving a messege, and she called back while I was driving this twisty, winding country road.
My beta was a 5 today. I guess that means I had a chemical pregnancy? Well, she said that it "failed", and that very often that means that the embryo had chromosomal issues. We will go and meet with Dr. Ho Hum on Thursday for one of those "What Went Wrong" talks.
The nurse asked how soon I might want to try again and mentioned the holidays were coming up. Sigh...
I'm mad. I want to erase the last two weeks. ERASE them!!! I was so stupid, and called my family, and now I have to call and UNDO the news. I want to take the "what to expect when you're expecting" book back.
And WTF? So am I supposed to get a period now? When I stop my progesterone maybe? I did feel less nausea today, of course AFTER I hurled.
It was just awful.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Some Pee Stick Bliss and a Beta
Last night I went to bed around 8:00, which has been pretty typical this week.
About 1:00 this morning I had to pee, and pulled out that last digital home pregnancy test. I prayed hard during the agonizing three minute wait. And lo and behold:
PREGNANT!!!
It was a beautiful thing. My husband was watching TV, and I ran out of the bathroom yelling at him, which kind of scared him!
Today I had my beta. The nurse hugged me when I told her about the HPT, and so did Dr. Wonderful!
This afternoon, Dr. Wonderful called and said that the beta confirmed I am pregnant, but that the level is on the low end, a 25. So I'm a little nervous about that. I go back on Monday morning for a 2nd beta.
YAY!!! I think? Yay until proven otherwise?
Keep us in your thoughts.
Friday, October 17, 2008
The Day Before Beta
I was going to wait to blog tomorrow, but hey... who wouldn't wanna hear MORE about my neurotic episodes this week?
Nah, It's pretty much a selfish act. The writing = cheap therapy.
Logical Reasons I might be pregnant:
Nah, It's pretty much a selfish act. The writing = cheap therapy.
Logical Reasons I might be pregnant:
1. I have not spotted or had bloody cervical mucus or anything since Monday. Which means my three days of that could have been implantation bleeding. All my Googling says those were prime implantation days.
2. Sleeeeeeeeeeeepy! I went to bed Tuesday and Wednesday evening before 8PM.
3. Nausea and dizziness. All damn day. It's gotten worse. It's worse when I don't eat - but today it keeps coming back. See disclaimer--read #2 below.
4. Craving milk and chicken -- protein.
5. My TSH went up to a 3 on Tuesday, from the beautiful 1.6 it was in June. Clearly, it is because of raging hormones. See #6 below.
Logical Reasons I might NOT be pregnant:
1. Maybe the progesterone is holding back my period? CAN IT DO THAT? IF YOU KNOW, PLEASE LEAVE ME A COMMENT????
2. I could be sick? That could explain the nausea and dizziness. Because I am around a smorgasbord of bacteria flinging, funkiness provoking, children ALOT!
3. I felt a little crampy today.
4. If I am getting my period, it would be expected on Sunday.
5. I told too many people. I jinxed myself. I am a blabbermouth and deserve a BFN so that I will have to eat my words.
6. My TSH shot up because of all of the meds I took with IVF.
I have stayed away from the pee sticks since Tuesday. I have been telling myself that if I would enjoy the time of bliss, thinking about what could be. But I admit, I am tempted to take the last test I have tomorrow morning before the beta, just to "prepare" myself.
It has been a hard, looooong week.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
My Day in Terms of Fertility
- 5:30ish Dog wakes me up because he has to go pee. I decide it's a good time for me to pee too. On a stick. I use one of the digitals that were free with the OPK's. Negative. I bust open the stick and hurt my hand in the process. Only one line. Am bummed.
- 6:55ish Husband is giving me my progesterone shot. I announce that I POAS. Surprisingly, I get scolded! "Those things aren't as accurate as a blood test, and this is WAY too early to test and if they wanted you to test this way, they would have told you too." ETC.
- 7:00 Nauseous and annoyed by it.
- 10:00 Cervical Mucus check, clear
- 10:15 Left message for nurse to ask if we can test on Thursday instead of Friday. Tell her about cervical mucus issues.
- 12:15ish Nurse calls back and says that Friday was ALREADY one day early, can I come in on Saturday instead. Doesn't mention cervical mucus issues. I feel a tad better about the negative from this morning. That would make it um... 5ish days too early--which is probably too early.
- 12:30 Cervical Mucus Check - Clear
- 1:15ish Break down and tell coworker/friend about all of this. She says she bled with one of her kids.
- 1:30ish Check blog to see that other people have had issues as well. Feel a tad better. Thanks.
- 2:50 Another coworker asks how things are going and I tell her. Because, I am weak and a freaking open book. She says she bled with one of her kids too.
- 4:00 Update husband who says to stop thinking about it.
- 4:30 Cervical Mucus Check - Clear
- 4:46 Blog about it!
So my beta will be on Saturday, with the R.E., whom she says will actually call with the results.
Monday, October 13, 2008
9dp3dt Frustration
TMI Warning:
I have had intermittent bloody cervical mucus since Saturday. It's not really even enough to show up on a panty liner, but maybe that is because I keep doing the TP check every couple of hours. I don't think that's a good sign!!! I wonder if it's the progesterone holding back my period?
In desperation, I POAS yesterday afternoon and wouldn't you know, it didn't work! It was one of those digitals, and it just showed up blank. I even popped the thing open, and the line or lines were just one big blob.
I'm of the mindset that it probably didn't work, but am going to try my best not to POAS until at least Wednesday. I guess?
Should I call the nurse?
I slept a lot this weekend. I'm tired now. I've been nauseous all day. I'm so frustrated.
I would welcome any opinions.
I have had intermittent bloody cervical mucus since Saturday. It's not really even enough to show up on a panty liner, but maybe that is because I keep doing the TP check every couple of hours. I don't think that's a good sign!!! I wonder if it's the progesterone holding back my period?
In desperation, I POAS yesterday afternoon and wouldn't you know, it didn't work! It was one of those digitals, and it just showed up blank. I even popped the thing open, and the line or lines were just one big blob.
I'm of the mindset that it probably didn't work, but am going to try my best not to POAS until at least Wednesday. I guess?
Should I call the nurse?
I slept a lot this weekend. I'm tired now. I've been nauseous all day. I'm so frustrated.
I would welcome any opinions.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
7dp3dt Shut Up Mind!!!
Random neurotic thoughts. TMI Warning. Read at your own risk.
- I should go check the toilet paper again to see if my cervical mucus is tinted red - because it is now six days before I should start my period. The last two IUI's, I started on this day.
- We'll need to buy more toilet paper soon.
- Am pregnant
- PIO Shots=Sore buttocks!
- Have stopped feeling twinges in uterus as had before several days ago. Sigh...
- It is sweet that my husband woke me up this morning to give me a shot during the correct time slot
- I hate waking up early on a Saturday
- CM check
- Am NOT pregnant, am stupid for thinking so
- Someone's drooling two year old was actually cute to me today
- I probably was pregnant, but then became unpregnant while walking down the wine aisle at Whole Foods
- And the coffee aisle
- Am not pregnant
- I coughed. Out came the embryos.
- CM check
- I know the RE said I could get a flu shot, but I don't wanna screw this up
- Screw what up?
- Husband super lovey because he thinks I might be pregnant
- Must therapy shop to make mind shut up
- Why are there so many babies are at the mall?
- CM check
- Am pregnant
- Google 7dp3dt - determine that it's way to early to test as suspected
- Could test on Wednesday?
- If I wait until the beta results on Friday, then I'll have the weekend to recover.
- Or gloat?
- Will I be able to wear these new pants all winter?
- Was actually happy about being nauseous last night - but pretty sure that garlic pizza I ate was the culprit
- CM check
- Must turn computer off!!!
- Thinking of getting a new computer. Mine is decrepit
- Should wait to see if we will need that computer money for fertility drugs
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Actually, I'm relatively ok. The other night my husband was saying that if we're not pregnant, then it's really ok. We'll just keep trying. At least we know we can get this far now. After the two IVF converted to IUI cycles, we are just now in a much, much better place. It was extremely comforting to hear that from him.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
4dp3dt Maybe
I just wanted to use the lingo, you know the ____ days past _____ day transfer. Just cuzzzz.... I've never gotten to before!
And just so you know, I wouldn't even consider testing this early. I might just make myself wait until the beta on the 17th--just to enjoy the hope (more on that in a bit). That would be 12 days past the transfer, which seems really reasonable. Right??? At one point I was telling myself I would test on the 15th, which may get tempting given that I had to buy THREE ovulation predictor kits this cycle, which each came with a blessed free pregnancy test. They innocently stare at me every time I go in that drawer to get my deodorant. Well... one of them mocks me, but I try to ignore it. I'm thinking of having Mr.PJ hide them.
So yesterday was my first day back after bedrest. Teaching, in my world, pretty much means standing up for most of the day. Plus, I have not been sleeping well, so I was just exhausted by the end of the day yesterday. I came home and announced to my husband that I thought all three embryos had jumped out of me. He made me swear not to say anything like that, evah! In general, he has been very positive. He keeps calling me "mama", to which I roll my eyes. I mean, it's cute but still? There is some balance between having hope and being overly optimistic.
Someone let me know when I've reached a balance. Mine's probably tipping toward optimism right now.
Work people were very interested in my being gone one day, coming back one day, and then being gone another day. So, I have been candid in a "less is more" kind of way. And you know, they just have such vague ideas how the process works or what is involved.
Last night, I slept. I went even went to bed at 8:30! I have trouble sleeping for a number of reasons, I must confess. If anything remotely interesting is going on in my life, my brain just won't shut up. If there is the slightest noise or uncomfortableness, oh like a husband snoring or the dogs digging their claws into me, I can't sleep. Oh, and since I was ordered by the IVF nurse to quit my beloved Prevacid for my acid tummy, I can't sleep when that's acting up. Apparently I can blame all of these problems on heredity--says my dad. So... yea... not much sleep as of late. So last night was a bit of a victory!
Also to clear up any confusion, we opted for putting back three embryos because the RE told us there was less than 1% chance of them all taking. The conversation went something like:
Doc: So you had three fertilize, and they are a range of quality (I'm thinking on a 1-10 scale), 8,5, and 1. The embryologist suggests putting back all three.
Us: Huge long (with me, Valium induced) stares.
enter ginormously long pause of dead silence... crickets chirping in the background...nurse setting up camp to wait for an answer
Doc: I should mention that there is a 1% chance of triplets.
Us: OHHHHHHH!!! enter slightly shorter pause OK.
So in summary, HA! (from that jumbled randomness of off topic thoughts, things are going well. This is the easy part. The part where you're not doing much work and can enjoy the hope that maybe, just perhaps, there is a little glimmer of life inside of you, and that your future is about to be altered in amazing ways that you perhaps cannot even grasp. Just maybe.
And just so you know, I wouldn't even consider testing this early. I might just make myself wait until the beta on the 17th--just to enjoy the hope (more on that in a bit). That would be 12 days past the transfer, which seems really reasonable. Right??? At one point I was telling myself I would test on the 15th, which may get tempting given that I had to buy THREE ovulation predictor kits this cycle, which each came with a blessed free pregnancy test. They innocently stare at me every time I go in that drawer to get my deodorant. Well... one of them mocks me, but I try to ignore it. I'm thinking of having Mr.PJ hide them.
So yesterday was my first day back after bedrest. Teaching, in my world, pretty much means standing up for most of the day. Plus, I have not been sleeping well, so I was just exhausted by the end of the day yesterday. I came home and announced to my husband that I thought all three embryos had jumped out of me. He made me swear not to say anything like that, evah! In general, he has been very positive. He keeps calling me "mama", to which I roll my eyes. I mean, it's cute but still? There is some balance between having hope and being overly optimistic.
Someone let me know when I've reached a balance. Mine's probably tipping toward optimism right now.
Work people were very interested in my being gone one day, coming back one day, and then being gone another day. So, I have been candid in a "less is more" kind of way. And you know, they just have such vague ideas how the process works or what is involved.
Last night, I slept. I went even went to bed at 8:30! I have trouble sleeping for a number of reasons, I must confess. If anything remotely interesting is going on in my life, my brain just won't shut up. If there is the slightest noise or uncomfortableness, oh like a husband snoring or the dogs digging their claws into me, I can't sleep. Oh, and since I was ordered by the IVF nurse to quit my beloved Prevacid for my acid tummy, I can't sleep when that's acting up. Apparently I can blame all of these problems on heredity--says my dad. So... yea... not much sleep as of late. So last night was a bit of a victory!
Also to clear up any confusion, we opted for putting back three embryos because the RE told us there was less than 1% chance of them all taking. The conversation went something like:
Doc: So you had three fertilize, and they are a range of quality (I'm thinking on a 1-10 scale), 8,5, and 1. The embryologist suggests putting back all three.
Us: Huge long (with me, Valium induced) stares.
enter ginormously long pause of dead silence... crickets chirping in the background...nurse setting up camp to wait for an answer
Doc: I should mention that there is a 1% chance of triplets.
Us: OHHHHHHH!!! enter slightly shorter pause OK.
So in summary, HA! (from that jumbled randomness of off topic thoughts, things are going well. This is the easy part. The part where you're not doing much work and can enjoy the hope that maybe, just perhaps, there is a little glimmer of life inside of you, and that your future is about to be altered in amazing ways that you perhaps cannot even grasp. Just maybe.
Monday, October 6, 2008
100th Post: Transfer and Bedrest.
It's my 100th post!!! And it is from my iPhone since I am on bedrest. It'll take all day, but what else have I to do!
Transfer was not as smooth as I had expected. I was not nervous for the egg retrieval, but I was for transfer! I was grateful for the Valium. I don't know, the thought of being resposible or something...
I was trying to follow the rules, ya know, the one that says you've got to have a full bladder. So I drank the entire 40 oz. Of water an hour beforehand-like the good girl I am.
Well was in pain when I got there. PAIN!!! The nurse even let me "go just a little" which tempoarily helped, until the belly ultrasound and speculum work! The doc took one look at the monitor and was all like "whoa!!! You must be in pain!". So... He drained my bladdar with a
catheter, twice! Note to self: have unusually small bladder! Adjust accordingly!
Plus, I was speculumed for a long, long time because during the practice round he
had a hard time getting the catheter to go over the cervix.
But the big news of the day is that we transferred all THREE embyos at the doctors advice. We had one really good quality, one ok, and one low grade.
Bedrest is boring me to death, and I cannot wait to get back to work, and welcome the distraction!
Transfer was not as smooth as I had expected. I was not nervous for the egg retrieval, but I was for transfer! I was grateful for the Valium. I don't know, the thought of being resposible or something...
I was trying to follow the rules, ya know, the one that says you've got to have a full bladder. So I drank the entire 40 oz. Of water an hour beforehand-like the good girl I am.
Well was in pain when I got there. PAIN!!! The nurse even let me "go just a little" which tempoarily helped, until the belly ultrasound and speculum work! The doc took one look at the monitor and was all like "whoa!!! You must be in pain!". So... He drained my bladdar with a
catheter, twice! Note to self: have unusually small bladder! Adjust accordingly!
Plus, I was speculumed for a long, long time because during the practice round he
had a hard time getting the catheter to go over the cervix.
But the big news of the day is that we transferred all THREE embyos at the doctors advice. We had one really good quality, one ok, and one low grade.
Bedrest is boring me to death, and I cannot wait to get back to work, and welcome the distraction!
Friday, October 3, 2008
Gettin' Groovy
Well, I got the call from the nurse today. Out of the seven eggs retrieved, only four were mature. Two fertilized, and one might fertilize.
At first I was a little disappointed, but now I think I'm OK. It could be worse. In the paperwork we got at retrieval, it said that sometimes NONE fertilize, and that would be devastating. I cannot even imagine. And hey, at least we made it this far! That's something.
Two is certainly enough, because that's how many we wanted to put back. Of course, it might be better to have two to choose from. However, if we froze some, I imagine they would want to do an FET first before doing another fresh cycle, and I'd much rather do a fresh cycle - given the better odds. I think.
The notion that part of Mr. PJ's DNA and mine are co-mingling at this moment, is kind of cool! At least they are gettin' groovy, because we aren't allowed to for two weeks! Going through all of that yesterday has made us unusually lovey.
Transfer is on Sunday morning. No fertilization report until then because apparently disturbing the little guys is bad.
I get to take three Valium pills for transfer, which kind of freaked my husband out at first, but since they are only 5mg's each, I guess it'll be ok. I'll be doing bed rest Sunday and Monday. I have stocked up things on TIVO (Pushing Daisies, The Practice, Fringe), and will gather myself a pile-o-books, and my ipod. And possibly some chocolate. Plus, I have a husband that will wait on me. This is rare. Very rare! He is all about the indepenent woman. So I will milk it for all it is worth! Any other suggestions for stuff to have around?
My class was a mess today. While I am grateful for a sub, apparently my sweet kids ate her up and spit her out! And they really, truly, are a sweet bunch. For me. Hopefully they will get someone else for Monday. I felt ok this morning, but by noon I was crashing hard. I guess I'm still recouping from egg retrieval.
In other news, my husband is taking the LSAT tomorrow, just for kicks. He's thinking about applying to law schools. AND he is interviewing next week for a job. AND we closed on our refinancing last week. I swear, it's all or nothing!
And that's the latest!
At first I was a little disappointed, but now I think I'm OK. It could be worse. In the paperwork we got at retrieval, it said that sometimes NONE fertilize, and that would be devastating. I cannot even imagine. And hey, at least we made it this far! That's something.
Two is certainly enough, because that's how many we wanted to put back. Of course, it might be better to have two to choose from. However, if we froze some, I imagine they would want to do an FET first before doing another fresh cycle, and I'd much rather do a fresh cycle - given the better odds. I think.
The notion that part of Mr. PJ's DNA and mine are co-mingling at this moment, is kind of cool! At least they are gettin' groovy, because we aren't allowed to for two weeks! Going through all of that yesterday has made us unusually lovey.
Transfer is on Sunday morning. No fertilization report until then because apparently disturbing the little guys is bad.
I get to take three Valium pills for transfer, which kind of freaked my husband out at first, but since they are only 5mg's each, I guess it'll be ok. I'll be doing bed rest Sunday and Monday. I have stocked up things on TIVO (Pushing Daisies, The Practice, Fringe), and will gather myself a pile-o-books, and my ipod. And possibly some chocolate. Plus, I have a husband that will wait on me. This is rare. Very rare! He is all about the indepenent woman. So I will milk it for all it is worth! Any other suggestions for stuff to have around?
My class was a mess today. While I am grateful for a sub, apparently my sweet kids ate her up and spit her out! And they really, truly, are a sweet bunch. For me. Hopefully they will get someone else for Monday. I felt ok this morning, but by noon I was crashing hard. I guess I'm still recouping from egg retrieval.
In other news, my husband is taking the LSAT tomorrow, just for kicks. He's thinking about applying to law schools. AND he is interviewing next week for a job. AND we closed on our refinancing last week. I swear, it's all or nothing!
And that's the latest!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Seven
Egg retrieval went splendidly!!!
I would say the hardest part was just getting the IV in - which is typical for me. The anesthesiologist was so nice, I sort of felt bad for him to have such a hard time with it. He tried the back of my hand, which didn't work. Then after slapping my hand and wrist for about ten minutes, opted for a vein inside of my wrist. It really didn't hurt that much though - not like I expected.
They wheeled me in the operating room, which was all dark. There were several people in there, but the anesthesia had already started taking effect, so I really didn't even look at anyone or anything. I think it took about thirty minutes. Dr. Ho Hum (whom I need to stop calling that, because I have learned to love his mild personality) did the procedure. The nurse said that when he came in, he said he thought I'd only have four eggs to retrieve, but as they did the ultrasound they saw a bunch. They ended up getting SEVEN!!! And while most would be just ok with seven, we are BEYOND THRILLED!
After the surgery I was treated like royalty. Sortof. At first, I was really groggy and just wanted them to turn the lights off so that I could curl up and go to sleep. But they bribed me to wake up with chocolate.
I was really dehydrated, and felt quite the pressure on my bladder. But once I overcame that, I felt great. I'm still a little tender, but nothing a Tylenol won't help.
Mr. PJ did his first progesterone shot. I think mine is in ethol oleate (or something like that), as opposed to the oil. It was really no big deal, and so hopefully I feel that way as the days progress.
We should get the fertilization report sometime tomorrow before noon.
My nurse was so incredibly kind and giving of information. She said that typically about 70 to 80 percent of eggs fertilize, so that seems like good odds. And while I'm still guarded about the outcome of all of this, I am more hopeful than ever before. I'm really, extremely grateful to have made it this far. I can do this IVF thing and I will do it again, if that's what it takes.
The nurse said they most frequently do three day transfers, unless they just have a bunch of eggs of the same quality and then they might do a five day. Which isn't quite the way I thought it worked? Anyway, that will make transfer day Sunday.
Thanks for all of your well wishes!!!
I would say the hardest part was just getting the IV in - which is typical for me. The anesthesiologist was so nice, I sort of felt bad for him to have such a hard time with it. He tried the back of my hand, which didn't work. Then after slapping my hand and wrist for about ten minutes, opted for a vein inside of my wrist. It really didn't hurt that much though - not like I expected.
They wheeled me in the operating room, which was all dark. There were several people in there, but the anesthesia had already started taking effect, so I really didn't even look at anyone or anything. I think it took about thirty minutes. Dr. Ho Hum (whom I need to stop calling that, because I have learned to love his mild personality) did the procedure. The nurse said that when he came in, he said he thought I'd only have four eggs to retrieve, but as they did the ultrasound they saw a bunch. They ended up getting SEVEN!!! And while most would be just ok with seven, we are BEYOND THRILLED!
After the surgery I was treated like royalty. Sortof. At first, I was really groggy and just wanted them to turn the lights off so that I could curl up and go to sleep. But they bribed me to wake up with chocolate.
I was really dehydrated, and felt quite the pressure on my bladder. But once I overcame that, I felt great. I'm still a little tender, but nothing a Tylenol won't help.
Mr. PJ did his first progesterone shot. I think mine is in ethol oleate (or something like that), as opposed to the oil. It was really no big deal, and so hopefully I feel that way as the days progress.
We should get the fertilization report sometime tomorrow before noon.
My nurse was so incredibly kind and giving of information. She said that typically about 70 to 80 percent of eggs fertilize, so that seems like good odds. And while I'm still guarded about the outcome of all of this, I am more hopeful than ever before. I'm really, extremely grateful to have made it this far. I can do this IVF thing and I will do it again, if that's what it takes.
The nurse said they most frequently do three day transfers, unless they just have a bunch of eggs of the same quality and then they might do a five day. Which isn't quite the way I thought it worked? Anyway, that will make transfer day Sunday.
Thanks for all of your well wishes!!!
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