Like a gazillion people, I recently read "The Help". There's a storyline that involves infertility and miscarriage.
Friends have told me that this book made them cry, and I can't say that I cried. I can say that I internalize things, and so the miscarriage and infertility in this book made me reflect a lot on our own personal story.
Also, my husband's closest friend just went through a miscarriage with his girlfriend, and he (who normally seems like such a rock) was devastated. And so, he's been in my thoughts a lot.
And then, a fellow blogger posted about her twins turning three, and it taking that long to conceive them. And another fellow blogger asked if I could have even imagined... and the truth is, I couldn't!
And then, two years ago I had an IVF in early December, was pregnant and then miscarried in Early January...
Just, lots of reflecting going on...
I look at our girls with awe. They are so amazing. So delicate. So FULL of life and personality and potential. It is overwhelming sometimes how blessed we are. This morning I went to wake Addison up, and she was sitting up in her crib with her clothes off, giggling! Then we had so much fun at the park as a family this afternoon... and while every moment isn't a Kodak moment, it's pretty GOOD stuff!
And I think sometimes I forget how we got here. I am amazed that four years of infertility and miscarriage is all so long behind us. I am amazed that we survived and are apparently stronger for having done so.
My husband wondered today why we'd have to go through so much to get here. But I don't wonder. I just know that it is what it is. If we'd have gotten pregnant on the first try... we wouldn't have our girls. Yes, we'd be happy, but THESE babies are who we were meant to parent. There was a plan. I'm not questioning it. I'm grateful.
I'm not very philosophical. I did grow up going to church a lot. I do pray. I do believe. But I wouldn't call myself religious.
I feel strongly though that things happened for a reason. For what, I'll never know. I would never wish that hardship on anyone. I do wish I'd have had a glimpse that this would all work out, because I know there were times when I thought we were destined to be childless.
And in retrospect, I know we'd have been alright without children. We would have probably trudged on and perhaps taken some new paths. But, THIS is what I dreamed of... and I am thankful.
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8 comments:
Right there with you. I'm not religious, but I DO believe that this is the child I was born to be a parent to. So how can I resent the path that brought him to me? And yes, the gratefulness is overwhelming to me these days. So happy to hear you so happy.
I love this post, P. So beautiful, so heartfelt, so grateful :)
It still feels surreal to me sometimes, like I'm about to wake up from an amazing dream. I definitely think I look at parenting a little differently having gone through infertility to get here. Not that I wouldn't have loved my kids just as much if it had been easier, but I think it is easier to be grateful and patient, even in the most difficult moments.
Love this post. :)
Love this post also!! Can relate and feel so much of what you wrote about. Awesome. Thanks so much for sharing.
Great post...thanks for sharing. Roads definitely have twists and turns and it's great to be able to look back at the path, including the hard parts, and be thankful for where you are.
Love this post. Thanks for sharing!
love reading this.
so so much.
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