As Old as Mold

Well, you have days where you can stick your head in the sand and that's ok. I love those days! Ignorance is bliss, I tell ya! I was that girl, you know the one. The cheerleader, who was all, "Gollie gee this is gonna work, we can do it, go uterus, go!





Blechhhhhh! She was so cute and sweet and well... she annoys me now.



I don't know what I was thinking when I came up with the title for my blog. If it were changeable, it might have carried lots of different names by now... Infertility on the Brain, Failed Cycle on the Brain, Miscarriage on the Brain! Holy Crap, I'm Broke Because of IVF on the Brain, Whatever Brain...




Jaded much?





Anyway, today was not NOT one of those sticking the head in the sand kind of days. My sweet IVF nurse called to check up on me. Her words, I kid you not, "This is getting as old as mold." Direct Quote. And what could I say really, but "yep". She's really super sweet and all huggy, and I think it was meant as a warm gesture that sort of came out awkward.




She also wanted to schedule an appointment with the hematologist, Dr. Unbelieveablylongname. But then she'd talked to the RE's money-girl who had to call me back later. Another awkward, "How are ya?" But she'd made the appointment for a bad time.



So I had to call Dr. Unbelieveablylongname and set up an appointment.



Then, because I was in a face my fears and get on with it mood, I figured I'd just get all of the painful phone calls done and over with so I called the regular endocrinologist and left a message. "Please reschedule my next monitoring because I was pregnant and am no longer, THAT". Yes, now it's ME who's being awkward. The doctor herself called back and I screened (cuz I was chicken) and she left a message saying that she was so sorry and she was just checking on me and I was in their thoughts and all... SO nice. And awkward, for me at least.


Her nurse called later to reschedule. More sweetness and awkwardness.


Then I called the OB, because I had rescheduled from last week and there was where the sweetness abruptly ended. Final. Kaput. I explained why I had rescheduled, looking for a sympathy appointment - you know one that wasn't 5 years away. And so... September in the middle of the school day it is.

Other than all of that, there was the conversation with my dear friend today over lunch, who is the utmost best at just listening. Oh, and let's not forget the conversation where my mom calls me from her work to discuss it and asks me about details, like I don't even want to repeat what details she asked on my semi-anonymous blog.

Anywho, I am 'sposed to be among the topics of conversation at the RE's Thursday meeting tomorrow. I hope they can put their heads together and come up with something, but I am not holding my breath. According to Dr. Google LOTS of women just have unexplained recurrent miscarriage.

I will be ok though. I mean, I'm not the same person for having gone through this, and I do miss that innocence and positivity. It was always a strength of mine, the ability to look at the bright side. And overall, I think that will prevail as it is ingrained in my personality. I'd also like to think that going through any hardship either makes one stronger or makes them fold. And I'm not folding. Screw infertility. Screw miscarriage. There's a big world out there and I can't let this crap get the best of me.

One foot in front of the other...