It's a big negative. I started spotting on Monday evening, and today it was pretty much day one for my next cycle. This is early, since technically I should have started on Saturday. The last time I had an IVF turn into an IUI, it was early too. Sort of the ten day mark. I told the nurse today that it seemed as if maybe when the HCG left my system, it brought on my period. Or maybe that was all in my head. She didn't agree or disagree.
Anyway, I had a much needed and long awaited beer tonight. Just one, but it was delish!
And really, I am not bummed. I am somewhat indifferent. I would have been surprised to have gotten a positive. Now, if we'd had gone through the whole IVF process, retrieval and transfer, etc... I'd have been more bummed. But I'm actually ok. I told the nurse I just wanted to get back on the horse. She's supposed to call me tomorrow after she talks with the doctor.
But... whatever.
I am back at work and in total back to school mode. I've been on my A Game. Super productive, at work and home too. Life is good. Infertility has taken a backseat to other things in my mind, and I am thinking that is a good thing! So occaisionally I will pop in and blog, and occaisionally I will read, but probably not as much - unless probably I'm going through the cycle. I have 160 posts in my Google Reader, and I doubt I'll get to all of them!
And generally, if I get pregnant, great. If I don't, I don't. I'm just going through the motions. The rest is out of my control.
Posts
21 weeks...
8 hours ago
14 comments:
I'm really glad you're dealing with this with such a positive attitude. Maybe a break is def what you needed. Hope you dont stay away to long. I do like to read your blogs. Pop on and tell us about other things. Books, movies...whatever.
Hi girlie! I've been missing you.
I am sorry this last cycle definitely didn't go as planned but I know what you mean about the indifferent feeling. I've been there too.
It sounds like you have come to terms with things right now and everything is in balance for you. I hope you stay in this spot until you are a mommy. You are strong and smart to know that it is all out of your control. I have much to learn from your attitude!
You seem to be in a pretty good place right now. Especially all things considered. I'm glad you are doing okay.
You seem to be as good as you can be... considering. I hope you really are, in that "okay" place.
I miss you too.
I have to keep telling myself not to let what I can't do interfere what you can do. It's good that you have a positive attitude.
I wish you well and hope to hear from you often.
We all need a break sometimes. I'm glad that you are doing so well.
It sounds like you're doing really well, but I'm still sorry this cycle was a bust. I've been missing you, too, but I'm really glad you're finding taking a break is working for you. I'll still be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope your next cycle is the one!
I am sorry this time didn't work. Sounds like you are keeping very sane though. It sounds like you are being very practicle about the whole thing and sometimes that is exactly what is needed.
Continue to take care of yourself and have a cold one for me.
(((Hugs)))
PJ, Sorry it was negative but I can see how converting to IUI sort-of prepared yi for bad new. I think the cancellation was worse than the BFN. Glad you are feeling productive and like you life is still good. Hope you get to cycle again soon.
You've got the right attitude: Dive into the things you can have a positive impact on, and let go of those that you can't really influence.
I hope you do check in and let us know what you're thinking about (IF-related or no).
Until then, best of luck with the beginning of the school year!
(((HUGS))) thinking about you....
I am happy that you are remaining positive. It is so hard when you think something is going to turn out one way, and get so excited for it, then it changes and goes totally in the other direction. I think that is where the indifferent feeling comes from.. It's one of my best defenses.
I am glad that you feel like life is good. LIVE IT UP! Just stop by to say hi every now and then! IF related or not!
Ack. Sorry about the BFN. I'm glad you're jumping back in. Good luck.
Hey PJ. Sorry about the negative. I was thinking and hoping while I was away.
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