I'm an elementary school teacher. Kids are my life. I'm good at kids. I get kids--most of them anyway.
I've taught at public and private schools. I've taught kids who came from money, and most recently those who do not. I've taught the gifted, and the struggling learners, and everything inbetween. I'm immersed in kids.
A teacher that I am close with tells me about a teacher she used to work with who struggled with infertility. She struggled with the constant everyday reminder of her difficulties in conceiving.
In regards to my frustration with my infertility, it doesn't bother me to be around them, like you might think. They keep my mind active, engaged, entertained. They amuse and frustrate me, sometimes all in the same day.
What bothers me the most deeply, is the parents who don't seem to understand what a blessing a child is. I sometimes think, sometimes out loud, how they don't deserve a child. Why wouldn't I think that, when I work with children who have come from abuse, neglect (so much neglect), and just generally sad homes.
I sound like one of my students, but I often think "it's so unfair". It's unfair that Brittany Spears' sister can get pregnant, and I can't! It's unfair that a crack whore can get pregnant, and I can't! I've cut out caffeine for god's sake! Sorry... that was angry. But hey, if you can't vent on a blog, then where can ya vent?
I vividly remember growing up, my dad used to say "if I only had that kid for a week or two, I'd straiten him up". He said that all of the time. I find myself thinking that too. I'd right all of the wrong. OK, maybe I'd need more than a week or two, but I'd be a good parent. I'd be a better parent.
Not that I think parenting is easy. The parenting side if teaching is the hardest part. I can get up in front of the class, and get them excited about inflectional word endings, or how many vertices a rectangular prism has. But the dealing with organization and feelings and just generally making nice to one another is the hard part. I get that. Parenting is hard. I do.
My husband keeps telling me that I have a different perspective and not to take it all so seriously. The world isn't a fair place. He's right. But you know, when I DO get pregnant, and I WILL get pregnant, I will know what a blessing I have. I will know, because I have a different perspective.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
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7 comments:
We are told "life is unfair" our entire lives, but I don't think I fully understood the meaning of that phrase until dealing with IF. I think you are right though. We will appreciate the blessing more. Not to say that all those who don't go through IF don't appreciate their kids, but rather we will appreciate our kids more than we would have had we conceived them naturally.
I got chills reading your post. I spend my days in an elementary school also. Such similiar views on the whole situation. And we are going to be damn good parents when we get the chance!
I'm glad I am not the only one that thinks that way. I also spend my days around children. I manage an early childhood center. I also have my days where I just want to scream 'Its not fair' from the top of my lungs.
I too know that one day it will be our turn.
Even at the college level, there's a lot of parenting in the mix, though for me it lacks the heart-wrenching quality that spending time with young children does.
Thank you so much for your kind wishes, your advice, and...well... just remembering that I'm up for surgery tomorrow.
I too, am around children all day long--and I can totally relate to what you are saying about the parenting-and how it seems with certain parents that they don't appreciate their children--I watch it happen every day. It breaks my heart--I have to end up closing my door. But yes, I have NO doubt parenting is hard...
We will definitely treasure our child(ren) SO very much when they come into our lives...
Yay! Thanks for letting me find you!
I used to teach high school (public, the kids who were failing out) and believe me, there were a *lot* of parents that got me frustrated too.
And the "straightening out" is exactly what I was offering my SIL earlier this evening. She has five kids and while she is great and I love her, she can get overwhelmed. Sometimes I just want to take two of her kids and call it a day.
I remember feeling angry about the unfairness of it all. And, you are oh so right...when you do finally have your baby, you will truly understand the blessing you have been given.
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